Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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