her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need moral support for this bender
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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