Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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