When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In America we eat man semen.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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