I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
