SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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