You can't special order awesome
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
