My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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