As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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