I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
