I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize