giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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