my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
