It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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