Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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