Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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