You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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