Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
