Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
