was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
