3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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