another moral hangover. fuck.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
