before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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