Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't deserve a penis
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
