You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
