I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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