If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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