after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize