i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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