Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
