You're so nebulous sometimes
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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