she takes plan B like it's going out of style
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
