I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize