Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
