Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
