Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
