3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
