You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
