I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
