I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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