Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize