Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
