I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize