Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
