I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
