i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
