i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
