i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize