i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
