Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
