There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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