You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
