I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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