Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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