Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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