i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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