There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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