1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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