sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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