how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
