Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize