I just gift wrapped bread.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
