i used baking grease as lip gloss
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
