i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
