How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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