You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
