I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
