is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
