I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
