My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
