I'm drive I can fine osifer
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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