well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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