she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
