if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
