If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
