it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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