If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
