things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
