dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize