our cab driver is having phone sex.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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