shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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