Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
