Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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