dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
