Michael Bay diarrhea
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
