i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
