I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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