At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
