Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
