I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
