i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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