that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
