I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i now understand why vodka
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
