I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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