The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
