Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
