My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We got so high we made milksteak
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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