I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize