I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
