I should be sponsored by Trojan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You don't make any sense
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