dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
