Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
