can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
