Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
