It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
